I love movies. My first husband had a passion for that medium almost to rival my love of books. I realized it was simply a different form of we both love stories he struggled to comprehend the movie around the written page, preferring something more graphic versus literary.
I saw the movie, The devil wears Prada, I realized I really loved dynamic characters, characters that learn and grow and change, whether for the better or for the worse. Static and stagnant absolutely do not appeal to me.
Iron Man came out, and I want to know where that story went. I think I got them all, and I really loved how these incredibly divergent individuals from such dramatically different places came together to find a solution to a very possibly impossible problem. Seriously, Thanos killed half of them... And they still figure out a way to get him.
As the Avenger movies kind of wrapped up their story, the TV show called Agents of SHIELD picked up another facet of the story. Agent Coulson was the director of shield and worked with some of the lesser known superpowers. He led a team that travel around the world, sometimes in space, and sometimes through time, as they fought to protect mankind.
The series came to an end recently. Two of the agents had married, and had been separated on multiple occasions because of the needs of the team. At one point this married couple went to the future to develop a solution for a particularly challenging problem. In order to implement the solution, they had to be separated. the husband stayed in the future, while the wife went to the past.. er, present to implement the solution. Part of the solution required that she forget where (when?) her husband was as his safety was vital to the solution. She had an implant of the base of her skull and that would physically hold hostage the memories of where her husband was.
When the solution was finally implemented, and the problem was resolved, she was reunited with her husband. The implant was removed and does all of her memories came flooding back she remembered more than just him. In the time that they had spent together in the future, they had also had a child.
That child represented Family, the family this couple had created, the family that the team had become over the course of the years, and new family members the team members had discovered through all their travels (parents, siblings, and a grandson!).
It was all family.
I recently had a dream where I was trying to get somewhere, but my car got stuck. But it was vital that I get to wherever it was that I was going... Because I needed to get to my child.
But I don't have children. That sense of family, at least that aspect is missing from my life. I have stepped children (only recently added to my life), but I don't have that deep maternal drive with them.
I crave that. I wanted to be a mom since I was a toddler and learned that little girl screwed up to be mommies. I was able to be a foster mom for a time, but that's not the same thing. I have had fur babies, but again, not the same thing. And stepchildren... Still not the same thing.
God has promised that I will be a mother one day. But through the choices of others.. and how I've handled those choices and actions, I seriously question if that promise will actually happen in this lifetime.
And that is a pain, a heartache that I kind of struggle to bear right now.
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