Angry Women.. and What to do About It.

A podcast was recently recommended to me by a friend. This was the first episode I listened to. It's about anger, specifically how society responds to anger in women, Christian women in particular, and especially LDS women.

Frankly, society doesn't know how to handle an angry woman, even if she's calm about it. If a woman says, "This situation is not ok and I'm ANGRY about it," she's told to calm down, that she's being irrational or unreasonable... and society immediately decides she and her strong opinions and feelings are uncomfortable. So instead of acknowledging those big things, those difficult issues that would make a woman angry, it's easier to discount, and sometimes even completely ignore it all.

Sariah Chamaley (sp?): "Girls learn to smile early and many cultures teach girls explicitly to put on a pretty face. It is a way of soothing the people around us. A facial adaptation to the expectation that we put others first, preserve social connections, and hide our disappointment, frustration, anger, or fear."

I personally have gotten so much flack from so many sides for being "angry," or even just being forthright. A straight-shooting woman seems to terrify people! The b-word has been thrown at me on so many occasions, I don't even know how many times (yeah, the 'itch.. as well as "boomer," believe it or not)!

Certain parties have been significantly bothered that I am quick to "default" to anger. Yes, anger is a "secondary" emotion, with the primary emotion often being hurt, trauma, betrayal, or even disgust. Maybe I slide past that primary emotion too fast? Because after those emotions, comes the anger, the e-motion.. motion. Energy for action! Get to the point and get to the solution. Get to the next step.

Strong feelings, strong opinions doesn't mean angry. But even then, anger in and of itself is not bad, evil. Nowhere in scripture or even LDS handbooks does it say to NOT be angry. Direction and guidance is given for how to deal with anger, what kinds of actions are and aren't appropriate. But the emotion itself is not wrong.

In fact, there are times when getting "good and angry" is a good thing. There are things in this life that SHOULD make a person, regardless of gender, ANGRY!!! Not sad, or disappointed. Say the words: angry.

Your husband cheated on you- you're ANGRY!

He thinks you're being ridiculous for not forgiving him and moving on- you're ANGRY!

Your kid was bullied at school- you're ANGRY!

And faculty didn't do anything about it- you're ANGRY!!

That news story about a woman abused, beaten, raped, sold as chattel, or killed- you're ANGRY!
And instead of addressing it, the news media focuses on the newest movie out in theaters- you're ANGRY!

But maybe you shouldn't say it..? because as Glennon Doyle once said, "The rules of the world for women is: be small quiet, be pretty, be selfless."

Embrace the full range of your emotions, even the hard-to-deal-with ones. Because being angry is ok!