On the Eve....

 ... Of my abuser/stalker going free.

Some time tomorrow, May 15, 2022, he will go free.

The man who emotionally abused me through pity parties, guilt trips, tantrums, and lies of all kinds; who cheated on me and accused me of the same despite absolutely no evidence; who responded to my leaving and setting boundaries by doubling down and adding stalking, harassment, and threats of violence... will have no court supervision.

I don't know what he will do, where he will go. I've heard through the grapevine that he has remarried. So he'll probably go to her. I don't know where she is. But he might stay in this area. Maybe.

He has spent a year and four months in prison and I know he didn't want to be there. When we were together, he told me he would rather kill himself than go back to prison. Yes, he had spent time in prison before (6 months while on trial, eventually was acquitted). And because I gave screenshots to law enforcement, he went back.

Maybe he spent that year stewing, plotting revenge. Maybe he spent that year getting his head straight. Maybe he made friends and put on a show of getting his head straight.

Whatever he did during that time actually doesn't matter. What matters now is I'm nervous, scared.

In the past, he has threatened to hurt, find, kidnap, and/or kill me. He has published private pictures he took of me with out my knowledge. I didn't even know- I certainly could not have given consent!

And he's going to be free tomorrow. No bars, cuffs, shackles. No police, bailiffs, cameras. No parole officer. Nothing between him and me but his knowledge* that if he reaches out, I will document it and give that evidence to law enforcement.

* I did it before. But others have not. Will he trust that I'll stay consistent? This whole thing happened because he didn't believe I would keep my word. I did. Does he think I'll go soft or does he think I'll stay strong?

Because that's the only thing keeping him from coming at/for me. I don't know his headspace or what he'll do.

So long as he leaves me alone, I don't care about his motive. But there's no guarantee.